Gravity
by ColleenMcPinto
Summary: Brennan POV song-fic. Based on S5 spoilers and speculation. Song is Gravity by Sara Bareilles.


_**Title**__: "Gravity"_  
_**Author**__: ColleenMcPinto_  
_**Pairing**__: B&B_  
_**Rating**__: PG-ish_  
_**Summary**__: An angsty song-fic based on speculation from 100__th__ ep & Finale spoilers. Song is "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles _

_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own BONES, or anything associated with it. I also don't own the fabulosity that is "Gravity." If I did, I wouldn't be worrying about bills and jobs and whatnot._

_**Spoiler Alert**__: All of S5 including spoilers for the finale._

_**A/N: **__I'm trying to make up for the lameness that was Guatemala Antigua. This is a Brennan POV, but I always have a little difficulty writing her. I am definitely more of a Booth in thought, word, & deed, so I hope this isn't too OOC or anything. Thanks so much for reading!_

Something always brings me back to you  
It never takes too long  
No matter what I say or do  
I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone 

I remember the first time I saw you. You literally took my breath away. Then there was that night. 6 years ago. We never talked about it until Sweets' book. But I always remembered it. Why do you think I left? Why do you think I pushed you away for so long… kept you at a distance? Nobody's ever made me feel that way before. Nobody's made me feel that way since.

I remember seeing you again after our first year working together. We'd been apart for the summer, and we see each other again and it was like no time had passed. How did you do that?

I remember you waking up after your coma and being so confused. I remember running, thinking it would be better if I was gone, thinking if I wasn't around you it would all get better. My mind would be clear again, I'd know what I was feeling… and you would know who I was.

I was wrong. No matter how much distance I put between us, you're always there.

You hold me without touch  
You keep me without chains  
I never wanted anything so much  
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain 

It took me coming back from Guatemala and seeing you again to really realize what that feeling was. That feeling that I've had for the better part of 6 years… the one I've been suppressing and denying. I know Angela would also say that Avalon helped, but neither of us believes in psychics… besides it was there way before we met Avalon.

That feeling scares me. I stopped believing I could feel that way again. Why would I start now? I put up all those walls, and learned all the science for why people feel that way sometimes and figured out that the feelings weren't real. They were chemical reactions that would go away over time… but how come this reaction wasn't going away? Why couldn't I let you go? Why didn't I want to let you go?

Set me free, leave me be  
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity  
Here I am and I stand so tall  
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be  
But you're on to me and all over me 

It shouldn't be this hard to tell you. You're the one who believes in it. Maybe I don't want to tell you because I know what's at stake… our partnership, our friendship, our life. So I keep it inside. I compartmentalize, you know I'm very good at that. But sometimes I see you looking at me, and I wonder for a moment what it would be like if I told you… if I let go of everything and just let myself fall. But I won't let that happen. I remember that feeling too well… and I remember what happens when someone leaves and that feeling goes away.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile  
When I thought that I was strong  
But you touch me for a little while  
And all my fragile strength is gone 

You've always been the one I turn to. You've always been the one I trust. In the 6 years I've known you, nobody has ever saved me from myself so well. Everybody else thinks I'm strong. They don't get to see me when I break apart. When things get to be too much, it's always you who's there. I don't know if it's subconscious because I don't put much stock in psychology, but you're always there. You see every little crack in my armor and you help me patch it. You hold me, and let me fall apart for a little while, and then help me put myself back together. Why do you do that? Why do I let you do that?

Set me free, leave me be  
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity  
Here I am and I stand so tall  
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be  
But you're on to me and all over me

We're sitting there in Sweets' office and he's making us confront all this. He's basically a child, how can he make us do this? He can't. He won't. We both deny it. We backtrack. We ignore him. We ignore us. We break. We leave. I wonder if we'll ever really get back.

I live here on my knees  
As I try to make you see  
That you're everything I think I need  
Here on the ground  
But you're neither friend nor foe  
Though I can't seem to let you go  
The one thing that I still know  
Is that you're keeping me down  
You're keeping me down  
You're on to me, on to me and all over 

I see you with her. She's a lot like me, both in physique and demeanor. I don't know why I feel like that… I'm with him now. I've sort of been with him for months now. But he's always felt not quite right… probably because he's not you.

It only takes a few weeks when both of us end those relationships. We both know why, but we don't say.

We're different now. We both know the truth, but we won't let ourselves feel it. We plow through our work, and go off on our own afterward. I miss you. I miss us, but not enough to put myself out there. I get an offer… a dig in Indonesia. I take it. I decide to run again. I can't drown if you're not there for me to drown in. Then you tell me you've gotten an offer too. The military wants you back. I can't breathe. We're both going off. I know I'm coming back… but what about you?

Something always brings me back to you  
It never takes too long

I was at the airport… I was at the gate… ready to board the plane. Then I wasn't. Then, I was outside your door knocking, waiting… hoping. You open the door, but don't look surprised.

"You're supposed to be at the airport," you say.

"I can't go. I can't leave. I don't want to go. I don't want you to go either," it all rushes out of me.

You look at me fold me into your arms. And we're back. I wonder for how long.


End file.
